So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
