He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
