I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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