he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
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I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
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I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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