i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
