why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
