Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
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Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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