Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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