Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
