I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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