I hate all girls vehemently.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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