I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
