I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
