Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
