So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
