Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
