my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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