I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
