To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
