just tell him i said nine months
he thought i was a dude.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
