oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
