just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
