Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You work out of a Hotel?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
