how can u be prego again
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
