shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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