Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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