OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
