so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
