Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
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Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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