dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
