You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
