it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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