...so i touched it.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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