I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My dick has a subreddit
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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