playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
