STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
