I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
