Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
