oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
