if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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