what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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