He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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