He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
