it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
