Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
