i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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