When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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