Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
