So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
