is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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