I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
