Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
