perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
