you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
