Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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