i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
