I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
