Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
