Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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