Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
