is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
