I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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